Thank you for coming today
MC introduces themselves, with pronouns
Instructors introduce themselves, with pronouns
How many of you have done some pain play before?
This is a class about combining bondage and pain
We’ll show you lots of fun ways to hurt someone with rope
But more importantly, we’ll help you understand pain better
The calf binder is our favorite way to cause pain with rope
We’ll learn how to use it and start building an understanding of pain
Learning what you like and how you like it
Two new techniques: Waist To Thigh and Toe Crusher
We’ll dig deeper into the mechanics of causing pain effectively
Also: processing pain and communicating during a scene
Put all of this together to build a good pain scene
Ebi position, which is great for longer scenes
Structure of a scene and negotiating for pain
Bottoms are full partners and have as much to learn as tops
"Best bottoms" understand tying; "best" tops understand bottom experience
Each module has a technical skill and application of that skill
Learn core skills
Get an overview of technical skills
See how it all comes together in a scene
During lecture, focus on learning “why”
We’ll break into small groups to practice
This is the time to ask questions
Also a great time for adaptations for bodies & play styles
During this phase, focus on learning “how”
There are no formal breaks: do self care during pods
Point out bathrooms, water, exits
Wear what you like, but keep bottom bits covered
Covid: wear your masks, we tested this morning
If you didn’t come together, don’t tie together
We have appropriate content for singles in each pod
It’s the first thing in your handouts because it’s the most important thing
We’ll talk about it a lot, starting now:
This whole section should be a conversation between top and bottom
Obviously, today we’re gonna teach you how to cause and receive pain
But more importantly, we want to help you understand pain
How to use pain precisely to create connection and have fun together
How to avoid causing unintended harm.
First: why do we like pain play?
This varies a lot from person to person
Top & bottom discuss their personal reasons for liking pain
Talk about whatever you didn’t already cover:
This whole section should be a conversation between top and bottom
If you’re at a BBQ tasting, helpful to have a vocabulary for sauces:
Similarly, you’ll enjoy pain more if you understand it
Who’s heard of sting versus thud?
They might hurt the same amount, but very different types of pain
One way to think about types of pain is tissue type
Muscle pain: grab your calf muscle and squeeze
Bone pain: dig your knuckles into the front of your shin bone
Skin pain: pinch the skin of your forearm
Nerve pain: when you hit your funny bone
Joint pain: kneeling too long on a hard floor
Throughout class, pay attention to what you feel, what you like
Let’s do some painful bondage!
The calf binder is one of the best ways to hurt someone
Many of us regularly build entire scenes using just the calf binder
Remember: we’ll learn the details of how to tie it in pods
Right now, focus on the big picture
Think about the different kinds of pain we’re producing
Begin with a column tie around the ankle
And then wind up the leg
And wind back down and tie off
Gosh, it sure looks like that hurts!
Bottom talks about what they’re experiencing
Bottom: discuss each type of pain as we demo
Remember how we talked about different types of pain?
Let’s see how the calf binder produces each type
Muscle pain: going tight over the calf muscle
Bone pain: going tight over the shin bone
Skin pain: from tight rope on skin, poking skin
Nerve pain: we don’t want this
Joint pain: we don’t want this either
The exact same technique works on thighs
Start well above the knee and work upward
This whole section should be a conversation between top and bottom
Kink always involves some risk
Important to understand and mitigate risk
Pain play presents some unique challenges for risk management
Pain exists to warn us of impending injury and cause us to avoid it
Pain play is especially intense and endorphin-producing
For pain play (especially intense pain play), risk management is vital
We sometimes talk about good pain (hurts but safe) vs bad pain (unsafe)
Learning to tell the difference is hard but important
We already talked about nerve damage
Most common form of bondage-related injury
Typically caused by very tight rope over a nerve
We’re gonna do a lot of tight rope, so avoiding vulnerable nerves is vital
We also talked about joint damage: avoid joints and tendons
Varies a lot from person to person
Can be minor and transitory, or last for a long time
Quite common, people often don’t take it seriously enough
For some people, even mild rope can leave impressive marks
More intense rope will tend to leave longer-lasting marks
What kind of marks are you OK with in what locations?
Be especially careful about rope burn
Can leave long-lasting or permanent scars
Cuts, broken bones, etc.
How long will it take to heal? Might you need medical attention?
Valid consent must be fully informed
You can only consent to something if you understand the risks
During negotiation, both people must understand and agree:
What if we want to increase the amount of pain?
Calf binders are great because they’re easy to tie and easy to escalate
Feel your calf muscle as you straighten leg, flex foot
Smallest with bent leg & pointed toe, larges with straight leg, flexed foot
Tie in the smallest position: will escalate if they move their leg
Be thoughtful about where you apply it (calf vs shin)
Places where flesh bulges out are especially sensitive
Can also press or punch the rope itself
Have bottom kneel
Adds a lot of bone pain
Interesting d/s element
Step or kneel on the rope (but don’t fall!)
Fake kneeling technique: balance on your heels, press knee onto partner
Crossing the rope creates pressure points
Especially over the shin
Be careful about pulling body hair
Be careful about pinching skin (especially with areas of loose skin)
Small when foot pointed, leg bent
Big when foot flexed, leg straight
Rigger punch
Squeeze / punch the bulges
Positional stress
Use your body weight
Cross the rope
Use chopsticks to tighten the rope further
Make it hurt when removing rope as well as adding it
Combine with pressure point play
Start with a column tie pre-tied on a limb
Let’s take a look at the hojo cuff
Fast, easy way to add a new column tie to a rope under tension
How does it work?
Demo the hojo cuff, leaving it tied
Super useful! What’s not to like?
Demo how it cinches when the standing end is pulled
This is a drawback of almost all ties like this
You can’t avoid the problem, but you can mitigate
The answer is to put more load on the working end
Used correctly the hojo cuff is fast, useful, and more or less stable
Used incorrectly, it’s a train wreck
We said earlier that almost all ties like this have the same problem
There’s one notable exception: the captured overhand cuff
It’s fiddly to tie, and we don’t use it often
But it’s cool and it’s in the handout
Each person likes different types & amounts of pain
Success comes from understanding what works for your partner
Goal is to achieve the right effect, however much pain that takes:
Key skill as a top: having precise control of type & amount of pain
Goals are highly individual:
The key point is to know what effect you want, and be able to achieve it
If you want calf pain that’s 4/10, be able to get that every time
Some acts are more precise than others (rigger punch vs rope burn)
Larger areas have more leeway than tiny targets
Practice time with lots of talking and experimentation
Best way to dial in how your partner experiences pain
Great technique that gives you lots of control, very connective
Adaptable to many bodies and pain preferences
One of our favorite pain techniques
Start with a lark’s head around the waist
Be careful about the floating ribs when using waist rope
Add a hojo cuff around the thigh
Ways to dial it up:
Cycle rhythmically between intensity and relaxation
This technique feels especially connective
Discuss your experience of the tie
Breathing
Waist compression: think about what you eat beforehand
Takes practice and effort to develop
Varies from person to person, here are some of our favorite techniques
Maybe you’ve seem Lamaze breathing during childbirth in movies
Popular because it works really well
Top adds: can increase challenge by disrupting breathing techniques
If you’re getting close to limit, switching to a different area may help
Especially useful if you want a long scene
Vocalizing can help your ability to take pain
And can be fun for both people
Yelling, swearing, moaning, squeaking
If familiar, try meditation / internal focus / visualization techniques
Visualize integrating pain rather than trying to force it out
Can be very helpful for some people
Fingers and toes
Sexy times
Reducing stimulus overload can help
Close eyes to reduce visual stimulus
Focus on things that feel good (sexual arousal?)
Try not to tense the part that’s being hurt
Can be helpful to tense another part instead
Sometimes you might want to not process pain at all
Suffering and enduring might be the point
Or just being completely overwhelmed by the pain
Fun, easy technique that produces a lot of pain
Be careful: toes are delicate and easily damaged
Go slowly and carefully, checking in the whole time
A little goes a long way!
Don’t do this on anyone with arthritis or other joint issues in toes
Lark’s head & reverse tension around big toe
Spiral wrap around toes
Gently squeeze to cause pain
Column tie around calf
Go over connecting line with each wrap
Finish with half hitch to connecting line
Makes walking / standing challenging
Communicating during a scene is really important, kind of challenging
How is intensity from 1 - 10?
And how far do you want to go today?
Make it hot (pull their hair, hold their chin, intense eye contact)
But also give them space to be honest.
How much time do you have left?
Hand squeezes (make sure everyone agrees about details)
Watch their breathing, watch their eyes
Body language
Get to know your partner
“Is that a good noise or a bad noise?”
Which part is the worst?
Adjust the "bad pain" so you can do more of the "good pain"
Give praise / reassurance
Negotiate what it means and what to do about it
Good sadist / bad sadist
A fun dynamic that many people enjoy is pushing toward limits
Tools for pushing: praise, challenge, “Can you take X more for me?”
Consent is key here!
If you’re going to push toward limits, negotiate that beforehand
Never push past limits / boundaries / red
Don’t add new consent during a scene
Go slowly and carefully!
Warmup: start gently
Just thread rope between toes
Start with a column tie below knee
Go over the connecting line with each wrap
Finish with a half hitch to connecting line
Brief practice, focusing on what happens with the working end
Work on modulation and pacing with students
Be ready to teach this if students ask for it
We aren’t going to teach a full negotiation class
But here are some pain-specific considerations
Consent is only valid if it’s fully informed
Remember our discussion about types of pain
How much intensity? How will you calibrate during play?
What’s the end-point?
Fundamental kink principle: worry less about what, more about why
What do you want out of this / what does success look like?
Emotional goals: I want to feel catharsis
Relational goals: I want to suffer for you
Tangible goals: I want rope marks all over my legs
Learning goals: I want to see if I like the hogtie
Injury
Trigger / intense emotion
For a lot of people, pain can lead in a d/s direction
Which is fine, but make sure it’s intentional
Negotiate what you do and don’t want with d/s
We’ll talk about this at the end of class
Aftercare needs can be more acute with intense pain play
Classic position
“Forward fold” if you prefer English names
Sit cross legged and experiment with a forward bend
For some people, this is plenty challenging on its own
For others, this is easy and we’ll need to add challenge later
Start with single column around chest
Below armpits, above floating ribs
Make sure it’s gonna stay in place when pulled down (shoulder lines?)
Dress the rope for comfort
Pull down toward ankles
Hojo cuff around ankles (over the top, back underneath the ankles)
Hojo shouldn’t be too tight
Finish with a half hitch
Working end back to chest wrap, half hitch
Pull chest down toward ankles
Tie hands behind back or head
Push down on back
Put a dowel in waist crease (pull all the way back)
Different kind of stress: make the line extra long
Wrap remaining rope around back, over the connecting line
Key part of making a scene work well
Going too fast too soon will end the scene prematurely
Start out gently, give them time to adjust
Build endorphins, warm up the body, shift headspace
As the body warms up and headspace shifts, add intensity
Building a scene container
Ramp up intensity to maximum, then back down
Can ramp up slowly or quickly, depending on intent
Watch how they’re doing
When they relax into what you’re doing, that’s your cue to escalate
Move the pain around the body
You can burn out one area and end the scene too soon
Getting to a point where they’re suffering for you takes time
Just hurting one place usually won’t get there
When you get to the apex, start to go hard
That’s when you start to fuck with their pain processing
Restrict breathing, focus on one place
What the apex looks like will vary from person to person
Don’t go above 80% with a new person
Manage the ramp down as well
Bring them back down gently
Use squeezing, pressure, etc.
As students move through the exercise:
Begin by assessing your flexibility
Will it be just right? Or need to make it easier or harder?
Begin with a single column tie around the chest
Ensure it won’t slide down (students may need help)
Hojo cuff around the ankles (easiest to go over before under)
Add a half hitch for stability
Back to chest
Pull chest down toward ankles
Tie hands behind back or head
Push down on back
Put a dowel in waist crease (pull all the way back)
Different kind of stress: make the line extra long
Wrap remaining rope around back, over the connecting line
Pain play creates intensity
Intensity increases the importance of aftercare
Different people have very different aftercare needs
Ultimate goal is to ensure a soft transition back to the “real world”
Pay attention to what you need, dial in your aftercare profile over time
Start with the most basic needs:
Cuddling and physical contact?
Sex?
Space and time to process alone?
Surrogate caretaker?
This type of play bring up feelings of guilt and shame
Can be very helpful to get affirmations
Very common, especially with intense play
Can be surprising if you’re not expecting it
Similar to an endorphin crash
First: it’s normal, and it’s OK
Doesn’t necessarily mean anything’s wrong
Delayed checkins can be really helpful
Many people need a checkin the next day
How are you feeling now you’ve slept on it?
Reassurance that what happened was OK
Discussion of what went well, what needs adjustment
And any necessary repair work
Sometimes fun, sometimes challenging
Important for growing as a kinkster, maintaining your relationship
Plan your next scene?
We had a great time—we hope you did also.
What next?
We’re a professional, values-driven kink organization
We think kink should be super fun, and also super ethical
That goes double for kink instruction
We have tons of great stuff on our website
Great place to find classes, parties, events
What / when / where?
What’s it about?
What makes it cool?
Mpox: please put it in the dirty rope bin
Individual instructors pimp their events & classes
Thank our hosts
Invite hosts to talk about themselves / their events
Go out in the world and have fun!